I started getting emotional last night. I knew this appointment was coming up and I remembered how I felt after Karlyn. Sitting there chatting with my OB about all things postpartum, and I wanted to take her home with me! And that was even before I knew of the long road we would walk together.
I was a first-time mom, struggling with some depression, anxiety, lack of sleep. You really do grow so close to your doctor, midwife, or whomever you choose to guide you through this miracle called pregnancy. Then that person (if all goes according to plan) delivers your baby and a bond is formed that's hard to put into words.
I remember thinking, "Um, can I please call you sometime, you know, for coffee or something? Can we get together?"
I still remember my very first visit with my OB. We were very early, about five weeks along with Karlyn. She brought up the risk of miscarriage and it threw me, because ya'll. I was clueless. Miscarriage? What? That didn't happen to people. Not to me. I wasn't sure what I thought about her even mentioning it.
But I love my doctor. She has delivered both of our daughters. She hugged me after we didn't hear a heartbeat at ten weeks and she ordered testing. She sent me to her doctor when I was completely falling apart at the seams, as we tried to figure out what the heck was going on with me. I love her. She's straight-forward, but kind. She kissed me on the forehead after I delivered my baby exactly as I'd wanted to and told me what an amazing job I did. She believed that I could do it. I think. :>
She was with me on two of the most important days of my life. Of our family's life. I can drive to her office with my eyes closed, I've done it so many times. She told me, in the midst of all our losses, that I WOULD have another baby.
There were no tears today. I was smiling, and I could feel it. I got to answer "no" to the questions they routinely ask regarding postpartum depression.
That felt good.
That is a gift, and I'm thankful to God, my husband, Karlyn, Krosby, and any and each person who has ever said a prayer for us on this journey. Is there always a twinge of sadness as a season closes? Of course. But this is just the beginning. We get to raise another sweet little girl - two girls now, in the Lord.
I'm thankful for today and for life. And I have a feeling we'll walk this road again. Just a hunch. :>