What I Miss

I think 18 weeks of pregnancy hormones has finally caught up with me. I came home from work today and just wanted to cry, scream, or throw something. I thought some yoga might help but eh. I think I would have really felt better after a good, long cry but it didn't come. I've got a couple of frustrating things going on but I feel like there's no one to really talk to about it. Of course I can lay it all out for Ryan.

On my pregnancy updates there's a section called What I miss.

And while I really don't have much to say there (because I'm overjoyed to finally be pregnant!) there is something else that I miss. I miss having friends. Or a best friend to be specific. I was with my mom the other night when she said something about "your best friend." And I just kinda sat there...because...I really don't have one.

And maybe that's normal! I don't know. Do 32 year olds have best friends? I know I had a few in high school and it was so much fun. I was never one that had or really needed a huge circle of friends and I definitely never considered myself high up in the popular crowd. But I did have a few close friends that changed over the years as I grew, and they grew, but there's something about that relationship that is so nice.

The kind of friend that knows what you're thinking, what you're about to say, what style of clothing you like and are probably going to buy, and the kind you can pretty much say anything to. Common interests, inside jokes. All that stuff. I guess I just miss having close girlfriends who really and truly know you.

I know that to have a friend, you have to be one and I will be the first to admit that I went through a time where I withdrew because I just couldn't. I didn't have the strength or the words to keep telling my story or hear someone else's for a while. But for some reason I just felt really alone today. <ah, here come the tears. good!> I knew this would help. ha. A facebook status that says, "I miss having friends!" is uber-pathetic, no? But it dawned on me that yes, I have a blog and I can write whatever I want there. And it's usually therapeutic.

I'm sure I'll be better tomorrow. Maybe I didn't get enough sleep. Maybe I'm having a GIRL and there's too much estrogen floating around in there! Maybe I need a pen-pal. Can we do those again?


Josh and Shan said...

Oh gosh, I know this feeling well.

Amie said...

I think this is how life turns out...ugh. I get it totally. Don't get my wrong, my husband is my best friend but as far as a female best friend I don't really have one of those either. The couple of girls I was really close with I still talk to here and there but I think life gets in the way ya know? They went on to have 2 kids while I was going through a divorce and now here I am at 36 (after 3 1/2 years of infertility) just now having my first. We are just in a different place.