A Scare

5/13/15

We had a scare last Friday.

I was getting ready for work, went to the bathroom and there it was. Pink. My heart sank. I couldn't even look at Ryan and I said, "We're going to lose this one just like we lost the other one."

Other ones.

When you've been through as many losses as we have, each of their own variety, flashbacks are all too easy to come by.

It's going to pick up. I'm just going to keep bleeding.
It's starting.
I'm going to wake up in the middle of the night to a full miscarriage.

I had already planned to go with Karlyn to the little Mother's Day breakfast her school was hosting that morning. When I told her I might not be able to, she started crying and it was too much for my heart to take. My hair wasn't done or my makeup but I was determined we weren't going to be miss this. I probably needed a distraction too. So we went. I couldn't call my doctor until 8:30 or 9:00 anyways. I was worried sick - terrified - but I knew it meant something to Karlyn.

I called my RE's office once I got out to the car, explained what had happened and was told it was normal and I should wait until my next OB appointment. Not satisfied with that answer, I called my OB's office at 9:00. I went home and watched some TV until the nurse called me back. She said she had no sonographer available that day so that wasn't an option. She also said she thought it was OK and that there was a high probability that the spotting was just from the sono I'd had two days before. Apparently, sometimes things can get irritated a bit during sonos which I had some other mom friends tell me as well. Amazing but I'd never had that happen before. It made me feel a little bit better although I did spend the rest of the day paranoid. I tried to sleep, finally did, and then had to go pick up Karlyn. No more spotting the rest of the day - or at all. Today is Wednesday and nothing since.

I decided we needed pizza.

Karlyn cracked me up because before eating she goes, "Do you wanna...click our glasses?" Ha. Like a toast? I said, "Where have you seen that before?" "I've just seen it on TV sometimes." So yes. We toasted our root beer and water and had a good ol' time.

Mother's Day was of course the following Sunday and I truly felt loved and appreciated. I also felt scared to death and spent half the day worrying that I was losing symptoms, losing weight. Ryan gave me a pep talk before we went over to his parents for lunch but honestly half of me wanted to drive up to the ER and demand a sonogram. I'm so grateful for family that surrounded me over the weekend and helped keep me busy. We spent time with my parents on Saturday and Ryan's on Sunday. I also got the necklace I'd been hinting at and LOVE it!

Although it was a scary weekend, I was reminded of my current job as mommy to this precious girl. She made me a mother and I treasure her beyond words. I'm so thankful for that and for the hopeful continued life of this baby to come.