9 Weeks

5/03/15

I'm nine weeks today. And so many thoughts.

Nine rings in my ears because it's the furthest loss we had. Our second miscarriage happened around nine weeks. We had heard the heartbeat at eight weeks and then at ten, the unthinkable. No heartbeat. They told us the baby had stopped growing about a week before. It hurts me to remember - to make myself go back to that room (where I sat just a few weeks ago) and hear those words. And myself saying,

"Please don't say that. I can't do this again."

It's what makes every. single. sonogram scary. It's what makes me hesitant to look, to listen. Because I know that we were outside the statistic that says the risk for miscarriage drops once you've heard the heartbeat. It changes you and pregnancy becomes something a little less exhilarating and a little more panicked.

*****

All that to say, we got a good report last week. Baby showed up right away on the screen and I immediately saw the flashing heartbeat and then we heard it. (175 bpm) And it even looked a little bit like a baby!

8 weeks, 3 days

How CUTE is he/she???!!!

We have another sonogram this coming Wednesday which will be our last with the RE. They even told us to bring a DVD and they will record the sonogram. Can't wait! I'll then officially switch to just my OB and will see her a week later. It's hard for me to type some of this. Every time we tell someone, I think, "What if I have to un-tell them?"

The constant nausea is my ever-companion and in some way reassuring that levels are high and something's going on in there. Pretty much zero foods sound good and when I DO eat something, I think, well that was gross. I have another post planned for this but I feel like God has given and continues to give us small - and large! - reassurances along the way. Signs and just neat things that happen and are said. I took Karlyn to the park on Friday after school and while we were there two other moms with their kiddos showed up. We all started talking a little and mom A asked mom B what her sons's name was. When she answered, I was stunned! It was the exact boy name we've picked out. I thought, what are the odds? Here, in this small little park. Today, when we're approaching a date that makes me nervous. 

I shared with Ryan and he agreed that it seems God is trying to reassure us as we go. I'm excited to tell Karlyn in a few weeks and to announce publicly. And publish these posts! ha.