Not Myself


Pretty much sums up how I feel. Out of body experience. Not myself. So sick of meds.

And I'm not even doing IVF!

I am counting down the days left of taking the progesterone and knowing that I never, ever, ever, ever, EVER have to take it again. (I really want to go ahead and stop now)

Because I can't. I can't do this anymore and feel like this. I just want to feel normal again and not think about babies. The first is doable; the second probably not.

I didn't even want to do this round but I also wanted to be able to look my daughter in the eye and say we tried. I didn't want to have to say, "well mommy didn't want to feel bad on the yucky medicine...so we didn't attempt to give you a sibling." I want her to know that we gave it an honest effort. I know she doesn't know now, but later.

She told me we could buy a baby "at clearance." I wish.

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