Thoughts on Waiting

I've had a really nice weekend !

Ryan went to the lake with his family and I opted to stay home, get stuff done, and relax :>  So far I've:

Made pancakes with butterscotch chips.  And eaten them 3 mornings in a row.  Had lunch with an amazing girl friend from college.  (Lived with her in Indiana the summer of 2005!)  Finished emptying out the nursery to be!  Vacuumed and got rid of cob webs :/  Watched "Baby Mama, that I bought at Half Price for $1.00.  Score.  Love that movie.  Oscar, the doorman guy: "Aint no good gonna come of this."  And" my personal fave line of that movie, "Well, people, it looks like I could be a daddy.  And if it's a boy, I wanna marry you."  ha!   :>  Worked out.  20 minutes walking, 20 minutes weights.  This wears me out now!  And I usually only do it once or twice a week...  Mopped my bathroom floor.  I hate mopping.  But it looks oh so much better.  Went and got an hour long massage.  AAhhh.  Browsed Whole Foods.  Watched "My Big Fat Greek Wedding." 

Let me get serious for a minute though.  I am so thankful for this restful and relaxing weekend.  I needed a work break! 

Last night I read the first chapter in a book my friend Krystal got me, called, "Cold Tangerines."  I already love it!  I think it is not so much chapters but short excerpts?  Anyways, the first one was about waiting.  Oh, how I hate that word.  Who likes to wait?  In America, we're not very well conditioned to waiting.  We have microwaves and Red Box dvd kiosks.  I am not a good waiter.  But the author's words resonated with me.  She talked about how her whole life she has felt like she was always waiting.  Waiting for something.  Some big event that would forever change the rest of her life.  A climactic experience that would alter her future and end the waiting.  That is so me!  I guess you could say I struggle with living in the moment.  My brain automatically goes to, What's next??"  She talked about some stages of life...high school, college, career, marriage, children.  I've waited through each one of those.  Well, I guess I'm currently at that last one? ;)  Somewhere deep inside me is always longing for something more, and something NEXT.  Just like she said, I've been waiting for that perfect job where I'm so fulfilled I could burst.  That day when everything goes right and I have no regrets.  That marriage and children: home:  where joy overflows and I couldn't possibly be one ounce happier.  The thing is though, how long do we have to wait?  Life is passing!  Life is TODAY, Shauna said.  Right now, right here, that is life.  My life.  I need to embrace it.  !  I need to take a big deep breath in and then exhale and see that everything I have right now, every relationship I'm apart of, every material thing I might possess, is today.  We need to celebrate these everyday moments and snapshots of life that all too quickly pass by while we're waiting for some other life to start.  Aah, good stuff.  I was convicted.  It reminds me of a book I read and want to re-read:  "The Journey of Desire." 

What about you?  Do you find yourself waiting on life?  It's a struggle for me and I have to consciously dial in to right now, knowing that this is exactly where God has me.  And this is my life!

Now that's not to say that we shoudn't hope, dream, and desire.  Those are all good and necessary for growth!  But while we're hoping (Beth Moore talks about this) we can be happy.  We can be here in this moment. 

I spent some time this morning praying.  I have not been praying.  Yet another struggle I battle.  I don't know why...praying is not hard!  Praying is good and sooo freeing.  I read Psalm 143: 8 - Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting you.  Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you.

I love that and want to make it my verse over the next few months.  I need wisdom and a lit path to know where to walk. 

I prayed for Karlyn, that she would continue to grow strong and healthy.  And then I just started crying.  I couldn't help but remember all the times I sat crying over this child.  All the times I begged God to please give me/us a child.  All the times I was sure He had forgotten me and could have no clue about how much I was hurting.  All the times I told Him I didn't understand His plan and why I was having to wait.  I cried because He answered my prayers and because He never walked away.  Because He had a plan from the beginning that I could't see or know.  Because somehow part of my TODAY was having to wait.  And because there is a sweet beautiful girl inside me that is already one of the most precious gifts I've ever been given.

And because I haven't even been praying for her like I should.  And falling on my knees in humble gratitude that He would still give me my hearts desire. 

I am overwhelmed by His love today.