It's funny, isn't it? Life. It rarely goes according to plan, the way we want it to go, or as we thought it might when we were 15 years old. Get married, have some babies, do life.
The Bible says, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord."
When I lit the "32" candles on my b-day ice cream and wished that this year would be the best one yet...well. I had no idea.
March just felt like a crap shoot. So many variables...I had been taking some new supplements that help with gut health (probiotics, magnesium, b6.) I decided to try Vitex/Chasteberry because it had worked once before (only took it for five days) and I was convinced that my body was completely whacked out, I was exercising too much (I wasn't), I needed to gain some weight, and why the heck was my ovulation off?
To say I was a bit all over the map - yes. I even thought about buying some personal training sessions at the gym. ha. Anyhoo...on Wednesday, March 25th I decided since I hadn't officially had birthday CAKE yet, I would go by Nothing Bundt Cakes and buy myself some. My sister had bought me the GF chocolate chip kind a while back and I remembered it. Once I got home with the cake I decided eh, maybe I'll take a pregnancy test today. Actually I had already decided to take it earlier in the day. What the heck. I had two Dollar Tree tests under my sink so I used one of them, decided I didn't see anything after a minute or so and sat down to enjoy my cake with the Gilmore Girls. who else?
I can't remember how much time went by before I looked at the test again but there it was. barely.
|early, early, early|
You become an expert line spotter over the years!
Ryan was working late but I was determined to stay up and tell him in a fun way, not over the phone or via text. The last few times I haven't been able to tell him in a cute way so I went to Target for bibs and more pregnancy tests.
I hung the bibs on the doors leading into our bathroom and he goes, "Kati, what are these? Come in here! Did you get a positive pregnancy test?"
The rest of the week and on into the weekend was filled with more tests, lots of Google-ing, tear-filled prayers, and a whole heap of HOPES and fears.
I may have gone a little overboard with the testing. But loss does that to you. One light little line isn't enough. I wanted to see it get darker, I wanted symptoms. Why do my boobs not hurt dangit?!
Friday I got my blood work results from Wednesday's draw.
HCG - 10
Progesterone - 7.9
Both low numbers but I also knew I was super early and it was the next set of numbers that really mattered.
Karlyn and I stayed busy Saturday running errands, buying Shopkins. ;> Sunday we went to a b-day party for Ryan's grandfather where I know I was less than social. But it was really all I could think about. I took two more tests that afternoon that finally made me feel pretty confident that hcg was on the rise. I was feeling different too.
But this. This is the true picture of my madness. The insanity that comes with infertility and miscarriage. The craziness that makes you long for some type of control in the situation...
|Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that is 12 pregnancy tests.|
On Monday I was so extremely nervous to get the call about Friday's blood results. Even though I truly thought it would be good news - because of the tests and how I was feeling - the last blood work call I got was not a good one and it was all that kept playing through my mind. Thankfully, the nurse said,
"I've got great news for you! Your levels went up."
HCG - 48 (way more than doubled! I was praying for at least 20)
Progesterone 20 (which I started supplementing with the day I found out)
I was SO relieved and happy to hear those numbers. We set up an appointment for one more blood draw and scheduled a sonogram for April 20th. I took a quick "before / 4 weeks-ish" pic for the blog.
|No, I'm not already showing. I think it's just lunch. ha.|
To say we're excited is an understatement. To say we're not nervous would be lying. We've been down this path. We know the twists and turns it can take. But I am ever so thankful to God for this blessing. I'm ecstatic that we got pregnant on our own - without drugs! We're overjoyed at this chance to bring a new little life into our family. Woo HOO! Here we go.