On Meds and Babies

Yay Wednesday! Half-way through the week and...almost half-way through the first of three meds in what I've termed my little hormone cocktail.

Who knew it took so much to have a baby.  :-0

I find myself swinging between optimistically hopeful and safe, low expectations. So far I actually feel OK. I've been a little nauseous and my appetite is kinda weird but other than that, nothing huge. I hate to even write that. I feel like the worst is definitely yet to come.

I think: WHAT IF WE HAVE TWINS?!! or What if after two rounds of this, we still aren't pregnant?

What then. It's just crazy. And the thing is...this is just the beginning. As much of a hurdle as it seems right now to just BE pregnant, I know just as much of a journey (if not more so) lies on the other side. What happens after I see those two pink lines? I wish it was pure joy and no fear. I wish it was complete excitement and no tears. I'll wish for every second of every day that this is it. That this is the baby that we get to meet. And the whole thing will scare me and test my faith once again.

I saw a young girl today at the store looking around...I have no idea what for, but I hoped to God it wasn't Plan B. It was on the shelf in front of her and I saw it. I walked away and prayed that that wasn't what she came for. I pray that she wasn't about to take something that could possibly end a life growing inside her.

We are so blessed. I love my daughter more than I ever thought possible and I thank God that she's ours. I saw a nurse practitioner once who confided in me as I was leaving (I had seen her a couple times and she knew a little of our story) that she and her husband had been trying for seven years. SEVEN. And still no baby. It broke my heart. So many women who long to hold that precious child...

No matter what happens and no matter how our story plays out, I will choose to be grateful in some way for the things we've gone through. The losses, the diagnoses, the waiting. It was all for a reason and has opened my eyes to things I was completely oblivious to. And I know God can use that for GOOD in our lives and in others'.

I'm just taking this one day at a time, even though my mind wants to jump ahead and worry. If you need me, I'm probably in the kitchen. Eating something. :>