One year, Two babies

Today is May 6th. Exactly one year since we had our first miscarriage.

Today is also two months since we experienced our second loss.

You can read both stories here ~

Losing baby #1

Losing baby #2

Our pastor preached a really great sermon yesterday, as he does every week. A couple of his points stood out to me, in light of today.

"When you find yourself in deep water and your world is collapsing, ask yourself: Am I surrendered to the Lord? Am I chained to the chariot? If so, I can say:"

-Wherever I am, the Lord led me here.

-If He led me into it, He has already conquered it.

What an amazing truth. God has mapped out our lives and He's gone before us. He wrote down the days of our lives before even one came to pass. None of this past year has caught Him off guard or surprised Him. 

I can truthfully say that I am not the same person I was one year ago. I hope I am stronger and yet so much more aware of my dependence on Him for everything than ever before. I know we will see our babies again in Heaven one day. And that is simply mind-blowing. Ryan and I have greater compassion for others who have gone through this type of loss. We realize what a miracle all life is and what a blessing we have in Karlyn. We have hope for the future. We serve a mighty God and who on earth can know His plan or calculate His ways? They are too high, too grand. Tears come to my eyes now but I know that joy comes in the morning. 

I love country music and there are some amazing new songs out right now. This one from Carrie Underwood really stopped me in my tracks the other day and I knew I wanted to find the lyrics. You can listen here ~

See you Again

Said goodbye, turned around
And you were gone, gone, gone
Faded into the setting sun,
Slipped away
But I won't cry
Cause I know I'll never be lonely
For you are the stars to me,
You are the light I follow

I will see you again, oh
This is not where it ends
I will carry you with me, oh
Till I see you again

I can hear those echoes in the wind at night
Calling me back in time
Back to you
In a place far away
Where the water meets the sky
The thought of it makes me smile
You are my tomorrow

Sometimes I feel my heart is breaking
But I stay strong and I hold on cause I know
I will see you again, oh
This is not where it ends
I will carry you with me, yeah yeah

I will see you again, oh
This is not where it ends
I will carry you with me, oh
Till I see you again
Till I see you again,
Till I see you again,
Said goodbye turned around
And you were gone, gone, gone.