Just life

I'm behind on blogging. But thing have been a little off so I'm cutting myself a break.

I don't even know where to start. The past week and a half has been very rough at times, and very sweet as well as I drank in the encouragement, love, and tangible outpouring of support we've received. Food, books, cards, and more. 

At times (uh, yesterday?) I've wanted to come on here and vent some more. Say how horribly unfair this is and why should we have to go through it twice now. The thoughts going through my head haven't been very pretty, nice, or Christian-like at times. One day I'm telling myself that if this is what will ultimately bring God glory then so be it. The next I'm crying and willing myself to get up off the couch and thinking we've totally been screwed over.

Overall though, I honestly think I'm handling it better than the first time. I'm not full time at work currently, when I was then which was a HUGE source of stress. I am loving on my sweet little girl who continually cracks us up. I know without a doubt that she was meant to be my child. SHE. IS. AMAZING.

Last night she stands on her toy box and Ryan can only see her head across the kitchen. 

"Dad, can I have a dollar?"

We both laugh and say, did she just ask for a dollar?

She keeps up...

"Please have a dollar??"

Ryan asked her, "Karlyn who taught you that?"

"Karlyn Kaye Ivey! she says. 

*****

I know we have a long way to go on this journey. Or maybe a short way. Who knows. I can only take it one day at a time and trust that God is big enough to handle my anger, sadness, and doubt. He's sent sweet dear people into my life to speak truth to me when I desperately need to hear it. 

This month was supposed to be super great. I was going to enter the 2nd trimester, celebrate our 6th anniversary, and turn the big 3-0! I never imagined it would go like this. Pretty much the worst birthday present ever, to quote a friend. But, I am continuing down the path, continuing to hope, continuing to get up and go to work. Yesterday I even worked out for the first time in months and it felt so good that I did it again today. Sore.

Beautiful weather and free birthday ice cream. I can handle that.