Where We're At

I need to write this out because it's only Monday and I think if I go through this whole week without blogging through some of my thoughts and emotions, I will explode.

I'm too tired right now to fill in every detail of how we got here but basically Ryan had scar tissue built up from his first surgery where his spleen was removed and this tissue was causing problems.  It caused a twist and blockage in his small intestine and the doctor said he had only seen scar tissue this bad in one or two other people.  Ryan is very prone to scar tissue and this will probably not be the last time. :/  His surgery was on Friday and it lasted three hours.  Karlyn and I got sick on Thursday night but hers luckily wasn't as bad as mine seeing that I pretty much threw up every Paleo piece of food I'd eaten for the past 3.5 weeks in about five hours.  Fun.  You know when you're sick and you just want your mom?  But then no, you're married.  Your mom's not there anymore.  Oh but wait, your husband...he's in the hospital.  Your child is 10 months old, asleep in her bed.  It's just you and the porcelain bowl.  And you want to die.

It's been a blur ever since then.  Ryan called me Friday saying he had to go back in 30 minutes and I started balling knowing I couldn't make it up there to see him, and didn't need to.  His surgery went well and after a brief scare where they were possibly discussing even more surgery if a few tests didn't improve, that possibility is now not likely.  Right now we need prayer for quick healing and no infection and Lord, he does NOT need to get what we had!  His mom got it last night...

It's hard too dividing my time between he and Karlyn and then being back at work too.  I want to be with him as much as possible but I also have to get Karlyn and I through each day.  Luckily, his family is there to help out too and someone is pretty much always there with him.  He has had many visitors and we thank you for that. 

Right now *tonight* his back was really, really hurting him and he just can't get comfortable.  The tube he has down his throat is really hurting and making his voice weak.  He looks so sad and I hate it for him.  In many ways, it feels like we're back to square one, back to two months ago.  He needs his intestines to "wake up" and start working again soon.  He'll also start to get TPN tonight..."Total ? Nutrition" which he'll get through IV to help reduce even further weight/muscle mass loss and provide him with the nutrients he needs. 

I miss my husband and it's only Monday.  I know we'll get through this but it's going to be a long week.  I hope that tomorrow is better than today for him, and each day after that.  I feel better and my appetite is starting to come back after dropping several pounds.  It was crazy.  I'm not eating Paleo, I'm eating what I can stomach and what I can put together quickly, and I feel the difference I guess.  So much for finishing "Eat Real" strongly, but it's not my top priority right now and after I got sick the last thing that sounded good was chicken and sweet potatoes. 

You can always count on life to throw the unexpected at you.  Oh, and my mom said now I'm now a "real mom" since I've cleaned up baby vomit.  My response?  Yay.

I can't wait to have him home.  And healthy hopefully soon.  Lord, grow us through this season!