6 Week Checkup

I started getting emotional last night. I knew this appointment was coming up and I remembered how I felt after Karlyn. Sitting there chatting with my OB about all things postpartum, and I wanted to take her home with me! And that was even before I knew of the long road we would walk together.

I was a first-time mom, struggling with some depression, anxiety, lack of sleep. You really do grow so close to your doctor, midwife, or whomever you choose to guide you through this miracle called pregnancy. Then that person (if all goes according to plan) delivers your baby and a bond is formed that's hard to put into words.

I remember thinking, "Um, can I please call you sometime, you know, for coffee or something? Can we get together?"

ha.

I still remember my very first visit with my OB. We were very early, about five weeks along with Karlyn. She brought up the risk of miscarriage and it threw me, because ya'll. I was clueless. Miscarriage? What? That didn't happen to people. Not to me. I wasn't sure what I thought about her even mentioning it.

But I love my doctor. She has delivered both of our daughters. She hugged me after we didn't hear a heartbeat at ten weeks and she ordered testing. She sent me to her doctor when I was completely falling apart at the seams, as we tried to figure out what the heck was going on with me. I love her. She's straight-forward, but kind. She kissed me on the forehead after I delivered my baby exactly as I'd wanted to and told me what an amazing job I did. She believed that I could do it. I think. :>

She was with me on two of the most important days of my life. Of our family's life. I can drive to her office with my eyes closed, I've done it so many times. She told me, in the midst of all our losses, that I WOULD have another baby.

**********

There were no tears today. I was smiling, and I could feel it. I got to answer "no" to the questions they routinely ask regarding postpartum depression. 

That felt good. 

That is a gift, and I'm thankful to God, my husband, Karlyn, Krosby, and any and each person who has ever said a prayer for us on this journey. Is there always a twinge of sadness as a season closes? Of course. But this is just the beginning. We get to raise another sweet little girl - two girls now, in the Lord. 

I'm thankful for today and for life. And I have a feeling we'll walk this road again. Just a hunch. :>

Spaghetti Squash Boats and Little Words of Wisdom

 I made a new dish last night. Kinda. Karlyn and I love a good spaghetti squash but Ryan's not a fan so we took the opportunity of him being out of town to have it for dinner. I had seen this recipe on Pinterest and thought I'd simplify it some - although I think the original recipe looks DELISH!

I split the huge squash in half (this is super hard sometimes so be careful with the knife!) and roasted it at 425 for an hour, although I should have cooked it longer. Scraped out my seeds and started pulling the noodles out with a fork. I made Karlyn's separate since I knew she wouldn't want spinach. I combined my "noodles" with Classico brand tomato & basil sauce, browned ground turkey that I'd seasoned with salt, pepper, and fresh garlic + some wilted spinach. Tossed colby jack cheese on top and broiled it until it looked right.

IT. WAS. SO. GOOD.

I had leftovers tonight, minus my squash boat. Definitely a keeper recipe and the combination / topping possibilities are endless. 

Beef, turkey. Ricotta, mozzarella cheese. Salsa, black beans, corn, cheese. Pepperoni, onion, green bell pepper. What would you like in your boat? ;-)

I definitely ate too much and the less than adequate belly space I have left was f.u.l.l. 

**********

My four year old is going on fourteen. The stuff she says...it blows me away. Last night we were getting ready for bed and she was hanging out in my bathroom while I soaked in some epsom salts - my almost nightly ritual. She was getting to sleep in the big bed with daddy being gone.

I decided to confide in her. I said, "Karlyn, I'm scared a little. I'm kind of scared to have another baby. And to have two kids." She didn't blink. Didn't laugh. Just stood there and said,

"Mom, just take it easy. Just take it one step at a time...and just try it."

 It was amazing! She knew exactly what to say and truthfully I sometimes feel like the Lord speaks through her. I think she and I are going to grow so much closer over these next few months being home together and I will treasure that time. Not every day will be perfect - we both agreed that yesterday was kind of a bust. But I told her today, some days will be more fun than others.

Some days we'll get out of the house and do things. Some days will be like yesterday where I piddle around the house wondering whether or not I should pay $60 for her to go see the chiro because her head hurts, she stays in her pajama shirt where both breakfast and lunch stains land, and we leave the park crying after ten minutes because she wanted to swing, but I messed her up, but I was only trying to help, and no, she didn't want to do anything else but swing. #stayathomemomadventuresday2

I'm so thankful for her little life and the person that she is. Thankful that she eats my spaghetti squash, and blessed to have her speak words of life into me at four years old.

Shakeology ~ and a Giveaway!

So what IS Shakeology? 

Don't worry. That's what I wanted to know right off the bat too. As excited as I was about the Beachbody opportunity and the amazing workout programs they had to offer, I wanted to be 100% on board with all of it. I knew that there was no way I could tout the benefits of a shake I myself didn't love. 

It's very important to me that I know what's IN the nutritional supplements I choose to take for a couple of reasons. 

• I don't want to just throw random ingredients into my body and hope for the best.
• I want to be sure that my money is going towards the best things for me.
• I've always been extra sensitive to supplements. This is in part due to the MTHFR genetic mutation I have.

Because of this, I will always scrutinize and research the ingredients of any new product I decide to take. Lastly, I count on my own body to give me feedback as to whether or not "xyz supplement" is going to work for me. This is so important I believe! And I'll give you an example why.

Being into health and fitness I've tried many different whey protein powders over the years. Experts say it's one of the easiest things for our bodies to absorb post-workout - whey that is - because it's easily absorbed by our muscle cells that are open and ready for replenishment after being torn apart during exercise. I never stayed with them long though because I could tell that my body couldn't handle it. Immediately after making a shake (that may or may not taste so great - usually not!) I would get gassy and bloated. Fun right? If you know anything about nutrition you know that gas and bloating directly after a meal means your body isn't digesting and absorbing what you just took in. So what is the point of spending X amount of dollars on a protein powder that my body isn't even going to reap the benefits of? No point.

I loved the ease and simplicity of blending up a shake but I never came across one that I actually looked forward to, felt a difference from drinking, and even craved.

**********

Until Shakeology! Ya'll, I'm going to be real with you. I'm not good at lying. I was always the kid in class who spoiled the joke the rest of the class tried to play on the teacher or who ruined a surprise for someone because I felt so vigilant about speaking the truth. I don't have it in me to tell you how great a product is, if I really don't think that it is. I can't say, "Shakeology has given me so much energy!" if I haven't seen a difference in that area. I can't chug something down each day for breakfast that I don't honestly think tastes good.

I started off with 4 sample packets - 2 Vegan Chocolate and 2 Vegan Tropical Strawberry. I chose the vegan over the regular for two reasons. 

1. The above mentioned MTHFR that I have. Because of that, I need to avoid folic acid in my food and supplements. Shakeology is filled with vitamins and minerals that for most people obviously don't pose a problem, but for me, I needed to go with the vegan to avoid the vitamin fortification. (I take special methylated vitamins of my own.)
2. Also like I said before, my body has never loved whey protein. (People with MTHFR often don't handle dairy well.) The vegan shakeology is plant protein based - perfect!

Being at the end of my first trimester, I was still having a hard time getting enough protein in due to a huge meat aversion. After just a few days, I truly began craving these shakes filled with protein and a slew of super foods and nutrition that my body just hadn't been getting the past ten weeks. Hello, nausea!

I even stretched out my samples until my first order could arrive. And I've been drinking them every day since, alternating strawberry / chocolate every other day. I add banana, peanut butter, fruit, milk, water, ice - and it transforms into this amazingly thick, frosty drink that has become my favorite part of the morning. And so quick and easy to drink as I drive to work.

I also DID noticed an increase in energy! Shakeology contains no caffeine but after just a few days, I really started feeling great. Energized is really the only way I can describe it and for a busy mom - energy is everything. I was making it further into the day before I felt tired and I just felt ALIVE. No gas. No bloating.

I could go on :-) But I'm going to stop for now and let you take a look at what really goes into each serving of Shakeology. We're talking protein, vitamins and minerals, antioxidants, phytonutrients, adaptogen herbs, prebiotics, probiotics, and digestive enzymes. 

Have I peaked your interest?! Maybe a little? Wanna try some for yourself?

Enter below to win 2 Vegan Shakeology packets - 1 each of Chocolate / Tropical Strawberrry

And of course please reach out with any comments or questions! I would love to hear from you. :-)

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Beachbody Coaching

"If I could do anything, what would that be?"

"If money was no object, what would I want to do? How would I fill my time?"

"What is my dream job? That place where my passions and pursuits come together and fulfill what I believe I'm meant to do?"

 Have you ever asked yourself those questions? I have! Ever since I sat down in my college adviser's chair where he asked, "So what do you want to do?" I've been trying to figure it out. Life doesn't always go the way we plan and sometimes dreams get pushed aside. At the beginning of this year, I began researching online personal training / nutrition certifications knowing that I would like to set myself up to do some type of coaching. I really wanted to help the people around me get healthy. Friends, family, co-workers. I've had various people over the years approach me wanting help with a workout or eating plan but with my personal training certification long expired and little time outside of work and being a mom, I never could quite figure out the HOW. I needed structure and an avenue to do the work I was longing to do.

I had joined a couple of businesses over the years for one reason or another - products, opportunity, etc. but they never felt completely right. It just wasn't a fit and I dreaded the "work" it would take to be successful. I've always felt the need to be 100% behind whatever I'm doing. That's just who I am. I can only fake it for so long before it's evident that my heart just isn't in it. I knew that if I ever found something I believed in wholeheartedly and that fit what I was trying to do all this time on my own - sparks would fly!

Timing is everything, they say. I accepted a new position at my current company back in March only to find out mid-transition that I was pregnant. woo hoo! Needless to say, plans changed and I began thinking about what the next few months and years might look like. I was introduced to an amazing mom who was doing this "coaching thing" from home and was actually after about seven months, quitting her full-time teaching job to stay home with her kids and help others get fit and healthy. I learned more about what she did and got really excited!

You mean I can do what I love - what I'm already doing - working out, eating right, and showing others how to do the same - and make money at the same time?

Sign me up! I have always had a desire to make a difference in the lives of those around me. Since college, I've had a passion for healthy living and after going through numerous health challenges of my own, am even more on fire to show those around me that getting and staying in shape can be fun! It can be rewarding and there are a multitude of reasons to make your health a priority.  It's not about looking a certain way. It's about true health - from the inside out - that makes you a better wife, mom, co-worker and friend. With energy and vitality to spare!

I hope to have support on this journey but don't worry. I promise not to blow up your news feed with annoying ads or sales pitches. :-) Seriously. Nobody wants that. Instead, I want to share what's working for me, what some of the new tools are that I've been introduced to that are making a difference in my life and helping me to be the best version of myself I can possibly be.

My goal is to help YOU become the best version of yourself and live the full and healthy life you were designed to. 

If you'd like more information NOW - check out my website here. I've added a "Coaching" tab at the top of my blog for quick access as well. You can also follow me on Instagram @ iveyleaguefit

More to come...and thanks for reading!

Comfort Food ~ Whole 30 Style

I've decided that part of the fun *yes I said fun* of doing a Whole 30 is trying new recipes. New veggies. New combinations. New flavors!

I stumbled across an article by Melissa Joulwan of "The Clothes Make The Girl" listing her most popular recipes of 2014. Intrigued, I scanned it Sunday morning and was immediately drawn to one called Comfort Noodles. I mean, who doesn't love comfort food? Plus I was 12 hours into a major pouting session over some disappointing news. I had all the ingredients and got right to work.

I PROMISE you need to try this recipe! It was so, SO, good. Like, licked the bowl good. Do yourself a favor and go buy a spiralizer (or veggie peeler), zucchini, and almond flour (you should already have the rest) and whip this up. Make extra.

Recipe here:

my first time making "zoodles!"

mmm, garlic.

runny eggs.

scrumptious.

told ya.

I only had 1 zucchini and 2 eggs, so that's what I worked with. I will definitely make the full recipe next time. I totally felt like I was eating some rich, creamy pasta dish with salty bread crumbs. Which sounds weird - but oh so yum.

I can't wait to try more of Melissa's recipes. Like Mayo!

Whole 30

I'm thinking about doing a Whole 30 in January. What is a "Whole 30" you might ask? Good question. The Whole 30 is a program developed by Dallas and Melissa Hartwig who say,

Think of it as a short-term nutritional reset, designed to help you put an end to unhealthy cravings and habits, restore a healthy metabolism, heal your digestive tract, and balance your immune system.

For 30 days, program participants adhere to a squeaky-clean Paleo diet consisting of meat, seafood, vegetables, fruit, and healthy fats, all while ditching sugar, grains, dairy, and legumes. No cheating, no slip-ups. And if there are, you start over. Sound harsh? It is.

What's the point? Why do a Whole 30? The Hartwig's postulate that until you remove the most offensive and inflammatory foods from your diet (think wheat and sugar), it's impossible to pinpoint which foods might be contributing to issues such as joint pain, heartburn, or infertility.

*****

I did an "Eat Real" challenge a few years ago with a local Crossfit gym and my former co-worker. The goal then was 33 days and I made it to day 27. Ryan had emergency spleen surgery #2 and I got sick with a hellacious bug which meant I downed ginger ale, crackers and stress-ate the most ridiculous cookie dough brownies I've ever seen. But. I did make it 27 days! 

The Whole 30 rules are slightly more strict. No added sugar in any of your meats (no grocery store bacon.) No butter - unless it's clarified, or you can use ghee. No "paleo-ifying" desserts even with approved ingredients. No almond flour & date cookies. No egg and banana pancakes. SWYPO is what they call that - I'll let you Google - and it's not allowed. 

So why am I planning to do this? Defining your WHY is always important. I have three reasons.

1. I need a re-set. I eat gluten free 100% of the time but that doesn't mean I don't indulge in sugar or other processed gluten-free foods (cough, cough, AHEM kettle corn) whenever I feel like it. I want a fresh start to a new year and I believe the Whole 30 will help. I also recently finished two months' worth of fertility drugs. No telling how those affected my hormone levels and other body systems.
2. I like sugar too much. Whether it's PMS or just wanting something sweet after meals, it's definitely become a habit and not a great one. Our bodies aren't designed to need chocolate after meals. Or ice cream. That's a learned behavior and craving. I went 27 days without any added refined sugars and I know I can do it again. I hope. :-0  #imightdie
3. I'm still looking for any contributing factors to our fertility issues. While doing some Internet research a while back, I read where one girl quoted her new specialist/naturopathic physician as saying, "Once you remove inflammatory foods like gluten and dairy, your body can focus on what it's supposed to do - creating and keeping a pregnancy." Something like that. And while I'm not naive enough to think that a Whole 30 is going to give me a baby, I still want to try everything in my power to get there. Above and beyond that though, I want to feel good. I want my hormones to function like they should. I want to sleep well every night. I want to identify whether or not I might have some autoimmune issues going on.

I haven't determined my start date yet. Right now it's looking like January 5th. I'm excited. And seriously already talking myself out of it. It's so hard and I only know that because I REMEMBER SITTING ON THE COUCH CRYING the first week of "Eat Real." I don't know if it's better to know what you're getting into or not but either way, I think it will be good. 

If you'd like to join me or just want more information, start here! I'd love to have some company and moral support. I'm hoping to use the next week or so to prepare, hunt down recipes, and meal plan. 2015...it'll be here before you know it!

IDLife - Meal Replacement Shake ~ REVIEW!

I'm always up for FREE. Always.

So...when my friend Melody was offering some FREE samples of her IDLife shake mix, I said sure! I told her I might even review it on my blog. This morning I wasn't running as late as I usually am so I decided to try it. I probably should have done the review using just the mix and some milk but I'm always wary of strong protein powder taste in my shakes. I hate it when that's all you taste!

I mixed up:

• 1 frozen banana
• 1/2 cup almond milk, 1/2 cup water
• 4 ice cubes
• 1 plop of peanut butter (that's an exact measurement)
• IDLife Meal Replacement Shake mix

I blended it up in my Vitamix and drank it as I drove to work. The verdict? I liked it! There was absolutely no protein powder taste and it was super smooth. No grit, no chunks, just chocolate-y goodness that seemed like a milkshake. (frozen banana helps here I think...as far as the consistency/thickness. I don't like thin shakes. unlike someone else in this house

I didn't feel like I was drinking a protein shake. It was super yum and I'm looking forward to trying the vanilla flavor now. Here are some stats on the IDLife Meal Replacement shake mix:

130 calories
2 grams of fat
7 grams of carbohydrate
4 grams of sugar
23 grams of protein

OMEGA FATTY ACIDS

• Omega-3 800mg
• Omega-6 250 mg
• Omega-9 96mg

The omegas in the mix come from micro-milled Chia Seed powder! And the mix is sweetened with Stevia. 

Thank you Melody for letting me sample this! I would definitely drink it in the future. :-) If you'd like more information on IDLife, check out: www.theidlifedream.com. 

Cleansing

February 23rd. Where has this month gone? 

I'm really looking forward to March. My brother is getting married! This is the first of my siblings to get married and we're very excited to welcome Kristen into our family. Ryan and I will celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary. I'll turn a number past 30. It's the beginning of SPRING. I've always liked March. 

There are some approaching memories though that make me sad too. March 4th, 2013 Ryan and I headed to the doctor for a sonogram. It was an awful, horrible, no-good day. A day that will haunt me for the rest of my life as we heard the words, "Guys I'm not finding a heartbeat." March 6th, two days later I had a d&c. And no more nursery plans. No more sonograms. Our second loss. 

What to say...

A few weeks ago I laid in bed and sobbed. I hadn't done that in a long time and it felt very cleansing. I started off sharing something Karlyn had said with Ryan and ended up deeply mourning the loss of our babies. I miss them.

I told someone, I wish I could hear from God. I wish I heard His audible voice saying, go this way. No, wait. Run this test. Take this supplement. Don't do that anymore. Rest. Carry on like normal. Try this drug. Stop trying. Keep trying.

That would really be helpful. But I'm left trying to wade through this on my own. Researching. Reading. Trial and error. I don't think I've shared this before on my blog - in fact I'm sure I haven't - but I've been dealing with some chronic pain we'll call it, again. I've dealt with this off and on since Ryan and I got married. It went away after Karlyn was born but came back with the first miscarriage. It's awful. It makes me feel crummy and it hurts. HALF THE TIME. That's how often it's occurring and I'm so tired of it. I've tried so many things, talked to so many doctors and here I am still. It's partly genetic. But - I am trying something new in March.

A cleanse.

I've never been high on cleansing. It sounds kinda...uh...fake. And for the most part, I think a cleanse of sorts can be done by cutting out a lot of the crap in our diets and eating/exercising well. But, I'm going to try it. Both to deal with the issue I'm having and to see if it helps us on our journey.

It's a fertility cleanse. And I'm really excited about it. I read some amazing testimonials and reviews and I've gained a lot of insightful information from their website. I'm going to couple the cleanse with a few other things...trading in some weights for cardiovascular exercise, vitamins, maybe less meat. The cleanse wasn't cheap! But I'm so ready to feel better. This pain drives me crazy and honestly interferes with life in general.

So. We shall see.

*****

I DID finish up 8 weeks of heavy weight lifting! And I'm proud of that. The last week I kind of slacked off but still managed to work out twice. I am definitely STRONGER than when I started as I watched the amount of weight I could lift go up each week. And I gained about 4 lbs. That makes me very happy.  :) I needed to and still want to gain some more. Here are some before/after pictures. 

I think my lats grew?

December 30 - February 22

Here's a couple more just for fun. :>

No, I haven't turned into the incredible hulk. 

I'm going to keep lifting. It's fun. I enjoy it and it's a stress-reliever. I just need to add in some cardio. Not because I love it (I don't) but because I need to move. 

Progress

I'm really thankful for Google. This morning I woke up early and thought hey, maybe I'll blog but my computer wouldn't let me sign on. A quick Google search on my phone gave me the solution of starting the computer in safe mode and then restoring it to a past date. Bingo! I don't know what the deal was but I'm in now. Thank you world wide web!

I haven't been doing very well on my 2014 goal to blog more. One idea I read was to set aside a designated amount of time every day to sit down and write. Don't overthink  it; just write. So...I may do that. As soon as I have time. ha. I have been using Instagram more! I had no idea that was such a big thing in the fitness arena. It is. There is so much out there and it's really motivating to find others working on the same thing you are and gleaning from their wisdom/inspiration. 

Speaking of, I've completed my third week of training. I say "training" although I'm not getting ready for a specific event right now. Though I may in the future :> but I really just mean I've been lifting weights *HARD* for three weeks now. Nine lifting sessions since December 30th. And I'm seeing progress! I'm so happy I decided to work with a coach. I see why people like to work with personal trainers. Someone else does the thinking and then hands you the workout? Yes please. I love it. And the app I'm using to log my workouts rocks. If I'm doing an exercise I've done before, it automatically tells me what weight I used last time so mentally I'm challenged from the start to increase it. I also am enjoying the Mon/Wed/Fri schedule because that day off in-between gives needed rest and after the weekend, I'm ready to hit it again Monday. I'm excited to enter week four and then see what's to come after that. Here's a pic from yesterday I shared. I had just finished my Friday Back & Bi's workout and was feeling pumped. I've also officially gained two pounds since I started. I know that might not seem like a big deal and more of a normal fluctuation but I've watched and seen that it's not. It tells me I'm moving in the right direction!

I don't obsessively weigh. When we lived with Ryan's parents I pretty much never hopped on a scale. Ryan and I typically have one just to keep tabs on where we're at as we've both found ourselves maintaining weight easily and somewhat hard gainers. Now I'm using it to see that number go UP in a steady, healthy muscle building fashion. The scale gives you a number, but no other information. Measurements are a great way to track progress whether you're wanting to lose, gain, or maintain. I haven't taken them yet but am trying to take pictures to track things as well because in the end, as my coach said, it's really about loving what you see in the mirror. If you love that, nothing else matters!

I'm not tracking calories either. I LOATHE the thought of counting and unless you're prepping for a specific event, I don't know that it's necessary. Yes in some cases it might be helpful to track a day or two just to see what you're taking in but for right now, I'm simply trying to eat more (quantity) and more often (frequency). That includes the flavor of the day at Culver's if I so please.

Salted Caramel Banana Nut. I die.

On top of all of this, I've been thinking a little about getting my personal trainer certification. I was certified through the Cooper Fitness Center years ago but that has long expired. I don't want to train full-time but I think I might enjoy doing it on the side. And, I'd enjoy refreshing my knowledge on all aspects of training so that my writing was further backed up by my education. I know the certs range in price and style so I need to do some research and decide if that's something I really want to do. For now, it's rolling around in my head. I love this subject and I want to help people achieve better health so more education certainly couldn't hurt with that end in mind. 2014, we'll see what you have in store. :-)

Working it Out

I picked the coldest day we've had so far to get out of bed at 5:00 AM and go workout. Don't ask me why.

I've never been able to do morning workouts consistently; afternoons are much better for me but I had a feeling I might wake up early on my own today. My hunch was right so instead of laying in bed browsing facebook and continuing to rest, I wandered around by the light of my phone trying to round up my workout gear. I made it to the gym and lifted weights for almost an hour, completing my 4th weights session in the last week. I'm a little bit excited because I'm working on a goal I've had on and off for the past several years. I realize putting it "out there" holds me a little more accountable and maybe that's a good thing. But, I have really wanted to gain about 5-10 lbs. of muscle/weight for a while now. I realize 10 is a big number! In fact, I was reading the other day that IF diet was impeccable and training never skipped a beat, a person MIGHT be able to gain ten pounds of muscle in a year. That may have even been a male they were referring to. Anyways, it doesn't matter. I would like to gain a little bit of weight and put on some muscle. I've attempted it before, for a little while and just haven't made headway for one reason or another. And as I've said before, for some reason the past two years + two baby losses have kind of taken the "oomph" out of my drive to workout, or really have any kind of fitness goals. But I decided that this year I would try again. Part of what has held me back is that we DO want to have another baby and I've wondered how hard I should push myself. But, the reality is that we're not getting pregnant (yet) and I don't want to look back in three months and wish I'd made progress. Who knows...maybe it'll even help. I definitely get some stress relief through the gym.

OK, so the cool part is that I'm working with a coach through online personal training! I've paid for four weeks of workouts and will likely renew once this month is up. She has me lifting three times a week to start off and they have been challenging. In a good way that I really miss. Pushing my limits. 

I'm using a super cool app that lets my log my workout stats as I complete the exercises and allows me to get feedback on my workouts. I can also message my trainer with questions. I'm trying to eat plenty of protein, healthy fats, and good carbs and even took some "before pics" to track progress. :>

I love lifting weights. I ran cross-country in high school and played basketball but there's just something different about forcing your muscles to adapt and seeing them grow. At least that's what I'm hoping for.

*****

In other news, yesterday was a rough day. I wasn't feeling good physically and started crying in church when it hit me that we've been going through this whole baby loss / wanting a baby for almost two years. May will mark two years since our first loss. Our pastor was talking about how if God in His Word says that He will not withhold any good thing from us, and we don't have that thing, then it must not be good - right now. And that is hard to hear. You have all kinds of crazy thoughts going through a time of infertility. Yesterday's tears just spiraled into "I can't do anything right, I'm a terrible mother, we don't know how to parent," throughout the afternoon. Ugh. #Hormones. Mine always get the best of me and I end up questioning everything. It's so easy. I've thought, I'm not a good mother and that's why I can't have another. Because I'm failing with the one I've got. 

And then I go to bed, wake up, and try again, pushing those thoughts away (that I know in my heart aren't true to begin with) and try to see more clearly. 

I'm thankful for a new year to do this thing called life. And thankful for dumbbells too.

Hot Lemonade

I mentioned that I've had a sore throat and to me that's one of the most irritating things! I've been taking extra vitamins and sucking on lozenges but last night I decided to whip up something a mom friend had suggested: 

HOT LEMONADE

It was so good! All I did was boil 4 cups of water in a kettle and add several squirts of honey. I didn't measure. Then I halved a lemon, squeezed all the juice out, and plopped the lemon itself into the water. Gave it a stir and poured a mug.

Ahhhhh.

Very soothing, very yummy. And sweet! If you're suffering from drainage and a sore throat, whip some up. It's DE-lightful. :>

Also. I want a kettle. In a pretty color. There's something about them that makes heating up water so much more fun than boiling it a plain old silver pot. Maybe this one? #DearSanta...

p.s. I updated my "About" page! Check it out. :>

Sugarrrrrr!

SUGAR DETOX. Starts tomorrow!

I eat a fairly healthy diet. I've removed gluten due to health issues (more on that later). 

I love fruits and vegetables. But I eat too much sugar. I blame my mother for this! ha. Just kidding mom. She knows I probably inherited my sweet tooth from her. Jim Gaffigan questions the whole sweet tooth theory...

"Oh, you're ordering that for your tooth? How nice. Because it's going straight to your butt."  *paraphrase ;)

While being gluten-free does greatly reduce the number of tempting dessert choices around me, it doesn't eliminate them. But you don't have to eliminate sugar to feel better. Reducing the amount of added sugar in your diet has all sorts of health benefits and I know I feel better when I do.

It's so hard though! You know when the easiest time to talk about quitting sugar is? WHILE YOU'RE STILL EATING SUGAR.

I definitely had some GF chocolate chip cookies over the weekend and ice cream. I just want to do a short sugar "re-set" to see if I notice positive change.

What other foods have added sugar? Barbecue sauce, salad dressing, cereal (my one true love!)

Anyhoo, anybody want to join me? I need encouragement and accountability! I still haven't decided on the exact parameters. I'm thinking of substitutes...

• fruit
• unsweetened applesauce with cinnamon
• frozen bananas blended with chocolate protein powder
• cooked apples with cinnamon and coconut oil

At work, we have a little community basket of chocolates and I love the dark kind. Dark chocolate has health benefits! But I think I'm going to say none for a week at least, and then maybe just 1 if I dearly and desperately need some.

If you want to join me, just comment below! Maybe we'll make up the rules as we go. :>

Back to Yoga...Namaste!

I am so happy for the weekend. From here on out - at least for the next 2 weeks - things are going to be crazy. Good crazy, but crazy. And sad. OK. That's all I can say for now.

Anyways, I think I'm going to do yoga again. Let me back up though. I used to think yoga was for pansies. Definitely not a real workout or anything that would increase physical fitness. Then I tried hot yoga, or Bikram. I LOVED IT. It was an hour to an hour and a half of intense poses, holding stretches, planks, squatting, bending. I felt amazing when I left. But I stopped because the classes were long, usually after 5:00 pm, and it was super pricey. I was going at the time with my female co-workers.

Well the studio is now offering a special for those who can make a lunch time class during the work day and I'm think I'm going to do it! The price is right, I have at least two other co-workers going with me, and I'm in desperate need of workout motivation. Plus this option is tons cheaper than the $150/month kettle bell gym-type-place I wanted to join. I realllly wanted to do that but I think I'll have to wait until we're rich. 

In other health-related news, this is sometimes how my brain works.

I eat too much sugar.

I need to go on a sugar fast.

I'd probably feel better if I didn't eat as much sugar.

I think I'm going to do that.

As soon as this batch of cookies is gone.

Happy Weekend!

**20 Minute Workout**

So...recently I promised a group of ladies that I would come up with a 20 minute workout they could easily do at home, in the comfort of their own living room. Life has been crazy lately but this morning I bit the bullet and did it. It was pretty quick and off the cuff so to speak but I went through it as I wrote it down and I was out of breath! I thought it was a pretty good workout and one you could easily scale to wherever you are fitness-wise. You can start out using body-weight only and add weights as you get stronger. Give it a TRY!

**20 MINUTE WORKOUT** (You can do at home!)

Warm-up~ 

1 min: Arm Swings - across your body / forwards and backwards windmill

1 min: Jumping Jacks / March or Jog in place

1 min: Push-ups - regular or on knees OR against counter

1 min: Squats - Squat down and stand back up OR sit and stand back up using a chair or bench

1 min: Jumping Jacks / March or Jog in place

1 min: REST

10 repetitions: Shoulder Press - use dumbbells or canned foods OR anything around house you can lift over your head - start at shoulders, extend your arms up

30 seconds: Wall Sit - squat/sit against wall with back flat and knees bent at 90 degrees

REPEAT Shoulder Press/Wall Sit for 1 more round

1 min: Jumping Jacks / March or Jog in place

1 min: REST

1 min: Push-ups - regular or on knees OR against counter

1 min: Squats - Squat down and stand back up OR sit and stand back up using a chair or bench

1 min: Abdominal Crunch - OR whatever core move you like

1 min: REST

1 min: Dumbbell Row - use dumbbells or canned foods or anything around house - squat with flat back, slightly bent over and PULL the weights up to your arm pits

1 min: Jumping Jacks / March or Jog in place

1 min: Abdominal Crunch - OR whatever core move you like

1 min: REST

1 min: Walking Lunge - Google lunge if you aren't sure how...basically take a step in front of you and bend your front leg as if doing a split squat - do this around your house while walking

1 min: Dumbbell Row - use dumbbells or canned foods or anything around house - squat with flat back, slightly bent over and PULL the weights up to your arm pits

That's it! You don't have to keep doing the designated movement for the full minute if it is too much. Go at your own pace and you can easily work up to going the full minute and then to using weights if you start out with none.

Thoughts? Comments? Let me know what you think and if you try this at home!

Gluten-Free Menu ~ For Company!

We don't entertain very much. Which was probably evident when I forgot to set out serving spoons I'm not sure why...it's just rare. But we decided to return the favor to some friends who had us over a few months ago. Ryan used to work with Allison and she and her husband have two adorable little girls that are right around Karlyn's age. They had so much fun playing together!

I planned a gluten-free menu and chose a couple of NEW recipes from my "Healthy" Pinterest board. I really need to start utilizing those 2,000+ pins more. :-0

MENU

Chips and Guacamole / Grapes...for the girlies =)

Mustard Glazed Chicken Thighs ~ via Practical Paleo

Cheesy Broccoli Quinoa

Parmesan Vegetable Spiral

Spring mix salad with tomatoes, pepper, and cheese

Forgot to take an "out of the oven" pic

Allison brought dessert!

Gluten-Free Strawberry Rhubarb Crisp-Crumble

It's always a good idea to try out new recipes for company right? One of Allison's girls said the food was "yummy in her tummy" but the other one wasn't too much of a fan. We dug out the applesauce. :> But all three girls ate up the dessert. It was DELISH. I've got to make it.

Remember my post on Karlyn not liking quinoa? Well, I just kept telling her that we were having "broccoli cheese." Two things the girl does like. She was a big fan and I've even served it again since then. Ryan ate some too. #QuinoaWin

The girls got to swim and even slide into the pool that we ghetto-rigged. :> I know we're going to have to get them together again soon. So glad for friends.

Conversations and Quinoa

These are conversations one might have overheard at our house last night:

Me: "We're having Quinoa."

Karlyn: "Keenya? I don't like keenya."

Ryan: "What's that?"

Me: "Quinoa. And don't even say anything. You're trying it."

Me: "...Do you like it?"

Ryan: "I could maybe have this once a month."

Karlyn: "I wanna snack."

Me: "You can have a banana, yogurt, or applesauce."

Karlyn: "Orrr...how bout candy?"

Ryan: "Go ahead and call me, call me, call me..."

Me: "Please let Luke Bryan sing his song..."

=)

It's pronounced "KEEN-WA" for the record

I liked it. I think I've made it before, a long time ago. Quinoa is a gluten-free grass-like seed that contains all 9 essential amino acids. It cooked up super-fast! I used half water/half broth and added chopped up broccoli, onion, and minced garlic + salt and pepper. I agree with Ryan that I probably wouldn't eat this all the time but once a week is doable. I'm thinking there are tons of variations depending on what you add to it. Ryan said it tasted like ground-up corn? I thought it resembled rice. Kind of.

Don't worry. I don't eat grass-like seeds all the time. I ate this before my workout yesterday. BECAUSE I was at Kid-to-Kid and Culver's is right there. And it was 5,000 degrees outside.

yum.

We watched the Country Music Festival last night...all three hours of it but luckily fast-forwarded through most of the commercials. Every song was awesome! I could have done with less hair swinging from Taylor Swift during "the highway don't care" but it was funny because I looked down and saw Karlyn bobbing her head back and forth. So cute.

She kept asking us during the show if we "wanted to go camping." The campgrounds were just in her room though. Ryan asked if we could go camping in the living room. I think she picks up these ideas from Dora. Sooo, no more Dora. JK.

*****

Update on baby Kaden. I've been following Diana on her facebook page. They are still at Children's in Dallas and while they have seen a little improvement from his heart, it is looking like a transplant will be necessary. They got approved by their insurance for that which is good.

It just hit me on the way home and I had to fight back tears. She wrote another update explaining that while this transplant is needed, it is not what they would have chosen. Obviously. Someone else will have to lose their child in order for Kaden to live. That is unbelievably tough. I can't imagine.

Please continue to pray that God wraps His arms tight around this family and that they feel His presence deeply. I pray that Diana doesn't have to lose another baby. 

*****

You can pray for us too. I know we're not in the hospital waiting to find out if our son will live but we have walked the path of loss. I am desperately ready for Karlyn to have a sibling and to get to be a "big sister!" As much as part of me says, "God don't let it happen until everything can go right", the other part says "I'm ready NOW." We know God has a plan for our lives and our family but as each month brings a new wave of hope and disappointment, it gets harder. I want to have a story to tell, one that brings Him glory and shouts that He was authoring it all the entire time. I want to carry another baby and bring one home. So we keep on hoping. And trying to trust.

I know Karlyn will love it because I'm finding more and more babies wrapped up in my bed when I go to sleep each night. Sweet little Caillou. ;>